Success Story

Reflecting on this year, I think that the biggest success I've had focuses on one specific student. T is an exceptional education student who was placed in my class through the inclusion program. On his first day in the room, we were doing a read-aloud and he outright refused to read. Now T has somewhat of a reputation for being a bad boy and I was all prepared to turn on my "handle him" attitude. Well, I guess I wasn't in the mood that day because I didn't. A couple days later, I asked him why he'd refused and he said that it was because he read very slow. He didn't want to be embarrassed in front of the other students. Some of his classmates jumped in to tell him that they didn't read well either or that they had other problems in the class. This kind of set him on ease. I'll admit that from there it was up and down. Some days I would be so proud of him and other days he wouldn't do his work. Usually on these days, I cock my head to one side and give him a look. He'd give me a little shy smile and start to work. In October, his exceptional teacher called me and told me that T would no longer be coming to my class. He was being put back into a self-contained classroom. The next day, T showed up at the door to my classroom begged me to let him stay. I talked to his teacher and she agreed to let him stay that day. The day's lesson was about recognizing rhyme scheme and writing short poetry. The class was loving every minute of it. T called me to his desk about 15 minutes before the bell rang and said, "Ms. Bowens, I did it. I wrote a poem." He was so proud of himself and I was so proud of him. That turned out to be my last day teaching Language Arts before I was moved to Reading. I still remember, however, the look on his face when he finished his poem without any help form me. Here's what it said:
I'm thankful for basketball
I am good at it
I hoop and I ball
And I never quit.
ABAB

Maybe teaching is not for me

Someone said that they were told maybe this program was not for them. Well, maybe this is for them and not for me. I made the first F I have ever made in my life in this program this semester. I've never been the one to complain or fuss and I'm still not. Now that I've cried and pondered and cried some more. I've began to think that maybe teaching is not the field for me. I've been teaching and doing lesson plans for a year and a half. If I can't even do a lesson plan, then its obvious that I'm definitely not a good teacher. Amazingly, this is the first time that I have ever felt this way. I've always felt that this was something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Something that I was called to do. Maybe this is a sign that it is not. I mean if I can't do a lesson plan, then I can't possibly be an effective teacher. The lesson plan is what you follow to teach. If I'm failing my lesson plan, then I must be failing my students. This all means that the past year and a half of my life have been used to cheat someone's child out of the education that they deserve. I am a parent and I wouldn't want any teacher cheating my child. I wouldn't want him to get to the next grade and be missing something because the teacher was not effective.
Even if this program is about getting better, I've been teaching almost two years. I should know how to something as simple as a lesson plan. Since I can't, I need to go home.
I love everyone that I have met in Teacher Corps and I hope that you are all extremely successful, but I'm not sure what my next move will be. Good Luck!!! Wish me well.